I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
