Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
