i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
