I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There's always time for handjobs
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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