the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
