your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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