I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
