Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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