So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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