I am in a vortex of obligation.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
