Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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