So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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