matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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