Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
