And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
