just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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