Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
