Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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