So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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