HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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