Midget sex pt 2 tonight
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
