Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
