Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
