I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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