Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
