i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
