just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
