Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
