You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
