He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
