Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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