i wish my penis had a tongue
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she told me i tasted like america
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
