take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
