I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
