btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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