We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
