Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he fucked my hip out of place.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
