she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
