I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
