First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
