Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
