True but thats because hes a fetus.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
