trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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