i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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