can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
