I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
