Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
