I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
