i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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