yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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