Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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