I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
