note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
